Thank You and Some Clarification

Thank you all so much for your supportive words and encouragement. The comments on the blog, private emails and Skype sessions pulled me out of my pitty party. Granted it was a legitimate pitty party, but I'm done wallowing. Time to except my circumstances and figure out how to improve things.

First off I'm not suffering from PPD. I'm not depressed. I'm frustrated, angry and tired. I'm overwhelmed and legitimately so. PPD is a very serious condition and one that people should not take lightly or blow off without seriously considering. To be honest, I didn't consider it at all until a few of you mentioned it to me yesterday. And really,after considering it, I don't think it's my issue. 

I made a few changes since yesterday's blog post. One, I changed my attitude and decided that crying and feeling like crap isn't doing me a bit of good. Last night I was up all night with Nathan who woke about every 45 mins with his nose being so stuffed up that he could hardly nurse. At about 3:30 this morning I looked at my husband who had the most awful helpless expression on his face and I said, "This really sucks". And he said, "yes it really does" and we laughed. We really laughed. I think it was our way of moving on from the sucky part of this and trying to figure out how to fix things.

Hubby got up early and went to the drug store this morning and got a cool mist vaporizer, some saline drops and a HUGE coffee (full caffein) for me. That was a great way to start the day. I took Nathan to the bathroom and let the steam clear his head and my own and we started our day by joining the local Mother's of Multiples club. I also found a local mom's club and I emailed them to see if they have any events planned. 

Then I started searching for the Montessori schools in town. I figured there had to be more than the one I found and I was right, there is another one very close to us. I called them spoke to their director, learned about their schedule and pricing. They are very expensive but less expensive than the other Montessori school in the area. I called hubby up, asked him how much my sanity was worth? He got a good laugh out of it and said,"well, lets try to make this work". So I maybe working a few weekends a month in order to afford Jake's school, but it's something that we have to do. Luckily I had one shoot a few weeks ago and I've got another shoot this month, that will pay for two month's worth of tuition. So that's good news!

Third thing I did was read up on my nursing issues with the boys. I think part of the lack of sleep is that I'm not letting the boys nurse from both breasts at each session. I very rarely nurse them together so there is no reason why I shouldn't try them on each side. I think what is happening is they are nursing one side until it requires too much suck to remove milk so they fall asleep not completely full  and then they wake up hungry too soon. If I nurse them on both sides, they should consume more in one session, thus allowing me more time between feeds. Hope it works.

Fourth thing I did was get out of the house. I took Jake to the library and went to some theatrical reading of a children's book. Basically it was some hippy woman that the kids loved. Jake got bored after about 45 mins, so the last 15 mins was me trying to wrangle him and keep two babies from crying. Nathan actually was a hit. I was standing up holding him sort of bouncing to keep him from crying. The hippy lady wandered up the isles singing her songs to the kids and sort of pointing out to specific kids. When she got close to us she sang directly to Nathan who went from the verge of tears to a HUGE smile for her. Everyone within eye sight of him started to laugh. Little ham! Jake was completely unimpressed. He was more concerned with the fire extinguisher and the fact that one of the light bulbs was burnt out. lol!

I'm going to make this work out. I'm going to find mom friends in the area. I can make this move work. In fact, I'll probably love this area more than anyplace I've lived before. It certainly has everything a person could want.

Thanks again everyone. Your support is so wonderful. 

Comments

[maggie]

Well, I adopted both of my kids and I have felt or do feel on a daily basis what you are writing about so I dont think you have PPD either - unless I have it too and that is impossible since i never gave birth. YOu are just exausted. Good luck to you and me!!

[Erin]

YEA! Glad you took some of my advice! haha. Sometimes caffeine can do wonders! :-) Do you this this MOMultiples Club will be better than the one you looked into before? I sure hope so!!

Okay, I've never thought about nursing both babies from both boobs. I might have to give this a shot too! However, mine do usually eat at the same time, so will one starve? hmm...PLEASE let me know how this works for you. I'm also in need of some long stretch of sleep.

Anyways, gotta run but I'm SO GLAD that you are feeling a bit better.

[karen]

It sounds like you are getting back on track. Good for you!

[Daisha]

Deanna...I belong to a MOMS Club and it is the most amazing, wonderful thing I have ever done for myself and for my kids. The club I belong to is an international one so you probably looked up the same group! I hope you find a group of women as awsome as mine are. Good luck and you have EVERY right to be frustrated, etc. Allow yourself those moments...they may be what keeps you sane.

I'll keep you in my prayers! Just remember that it is friends, etc. that will save you!

[Susan Sparling]

D- I wanted to post today but I was over scheduled, but I wanted to ask you to talk with a lactation specialist or read a bit more about how to prolong the boys' nursing. You've already "gone there" -- yea! Sounds like they are snacking and not getting full for sure. From when I nursed my oldest (2.5 years, so at least I learned a lot from her), I'd find that she'd sometimes go through cycles that if I didn't watch, she'd start eating less at each sitting but more often. I'd have to push her a little to get more down her at one time and then that would spread out the time btw sessions. They do get a little pissed off the first few times, but what else is new, huh? You sound like you've found the path -- it's so lonely and such a bummer until we do, though!

[Debbie in the UK]

Aw, only just read the 2 posts. I think you are superwoman! I would have caved yonks ago. I have no advice, but the things you are doing are very positive and I am sure you will get through this. It's hard for you being in a rental because it is not YOUR OWN PLACE but with baby steps you will get there Deanna. I love your approach and how you get in a funk and then pull yourself out of it. I wish I were more like that!

Lots of Love

Debbie

[Chantel]

Aw, sweets, I'm sorry to read this.

It's a lot. A 3 year old and 4 month old twins, a big move, settling, finding new friends, finding your way around, getting into a groove.

I highly recommend Rescue Remedy. It's saved my butt during bad anxiety more than a time or two. Especially when you get that knot in your chest and it feels like you might throw up? Life saver.

It WILL get easier at night. It took an entire year for it to let up with my twins. I so totally know what you're going through. There IS light at the end of the tunnel. At 13 months they are now sleeping through the night in their own bed every night. That first 12 hour stretch of sleep was like freaking heaven. I don't think I slept well from the time I was about 30 weeks until they night weaned at 11 months! I did have to forcefully night wean but it wasn't terrible. I obviously don't suggest that at four months, just wanted to give you hope.

I'm praying for some rest and respite for you. I wish I was closer.

[Tisha]

Hey:

Yesterday, I wrote this whole post about how justifiable it is for you to feel overwhelmed and all the things you're going through and then I deleted it, 'cause I didn't want you to think I would blow PPD off in case that was it. Whatever. I'm an idiot.

Anyway, glad to hear you've got your head on and your able to get up and out and find some way out of the mess. I think that's the hardest thing, sometimes, that getting up and getting the first couple of things accomplished.

Good for Jake! Good for you! Roll with it.

You know how to reach me if you need another person in the "vent to" category :)

[Jill]

D, Sorry this is late. Your feelings are NORMAL...I feel that way a lot of time NOW. It's hard being overwhelmed with 2 babies (btdt and nursed 2!) You don't know how refreshing your "realness" is to other at-the-end-of-their-rope mommies! It's REFRESHING to know that I'm not the only one who gets frustrated.

Love ya, girlie!