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August 10, 2009



Spencer was a pacifier kid. He slept in a crib in his own room. When he woke up, I would rush in to plug the paci back in before he had a chance to wake anyone else. I was up 6-8 times each night, at least. We finally began using cry it out at 14 months and he began sleeping after only 3 nights!

My point here: keep doing what you are doing and break this now. Otherwise, you will have many more months without sleep. I only had one baby but I was up at least 6 times a night (out of my bed, walk to his room kind of up) for more than a year...


I couldn't do the CIO (cry it out) method. I half-heartedly tried a couple of times. (My guy's a little older than Jake now).

At one point - I think he was around 7 or 8 months, ut maybe it was earlier - he was HORRIBLE at night - all of a sudden. I finally determined it was night terrors or growth spurt of some sort, but for many nights, it was just hell. I didn't want to start taking him into bed with us, so I settled for going w/ him to a couch or guest bed (gee, that's different) for a couple of hours until I could get him really settled and back to sleep, without having to feed him.

I didn't want him to get dependent again on night feedings, but I could not STAND listening to him scream, thinking we'd abandoned him.

So I did what you're doing - not totally giving in and trying to teach self-soothing (a miracle book I loved was the Happiest Baby on the Block).

I was happier having less sleep than giving in or doing CIO. That tore me up.

And he's a tremendous sleeper again now.

But I don't know if he simply outgrew whatever was making him not sleep, or if he just grew into being able to sleep and self-soothe.

I just knew I had to trust my gut.... I wish I had a miracle cure for you! I think you're on the right track, for what it's worth.

I also


Connor took a pacifier and I remember him waking up when he would lose it but he was an easy baby and slept through the night at 2.5-3mos old! Then came Lilly.....she didn't start sleeping through the night til she was probably 8 or 9 mos old. I would have to look back at her baby book to be sure. She only got up once a night when she was older but still I was like "what's going on here". I will admit though that I was a "let them cry it out" mom. It worked for my kids. I didn't do it until they were 5 or 6 mos old though when I started putting them down for naps while they were still awake. I didn't want to get in the habit of having to rock them to sleep every night and definately didn't want to put them in my bed. My cousin's son is 3 and STILL sleeps with them. After a day or 2 of crying it out, they figured out how to self soothe and were fine. Of course Lilly struggled a little more than Connor with it.

I hope you can get them sleeping longer soon and I admire you for continuing to BF them. It seems like that might be why they wake up more because they are probably hungry more often with the breast milk. You are doing such a great job and especially to have a 3yr old on top of that...Girl, I give you lots of props! I can't function without sleep. LOL

Do the boys sleep in the same room or wake each other up crying?


I am a huge fan of the CIO if you understand why the baby needs this and using it! Many times it is the parents fault that we have to use the CIO method and I am only a fan if you use it once to get the baby on track. Not over and over again. For example: At six weeks old you move baby to own room you will end up with with 1=7 days of the CIO method depending on the baby. I am a huge fan for two reasons, and only had to do it with my adopted DS and two foster children. My friend has a five year old, who has had sleep issues since he was a newborn. I spent a week at her house when he was sick months old, we got him on a schedule, got him active during the day, two naps during the day etc. We did the CIO at night, I sent her out of the house because it is hard for someone else to listen to a baby cry. Not for someone who like me with all my years at DCF:) LOL Anyway, I had to undo six months of what she instilled on the baby! Well when I got ready to leave and after many looks and telling her not to go get him until morning. She was very thankful. Things went well for six months until her MIL came to visit! fastforward to today, she has another two children, who thank god, from day one she listened to me, and at six weeks put them in cribs in there own rooms and both her second and third children sleep from 6, or 7 at night until 6 or 7 in the morning! Not her five year old. He sleeps you guessed it in her bed! He flips out and is out of control! I am in no way saying this will happen to you! But my point is, even if you dislike a schedule a baby needs one, for example the six month old foster baby we have, wakes up at 6:30 and eats at 7, we have playtime, take kids to school etc, naptime at 9:30 etc. I try very hard to make sure she is home in her crib or pack n play in my room taking a nap! I never use the pack n play or crib as a place for her to play, only to sleep! She has really bad reflux!She is on soy and that cause's other issues, so I have to make sure she gets in enough fruit and oatmeal during the day:) Fully belly at night means she will get a restful night of sleep. Do you give the boys anything to eat yet? Could they just not ever be going into a DEEP SLEEP? I think you are a great mom, and moving with all three to an area with no friends...I feel you! I wish I could jump through the computer and help you! For us the pool makes everyone more tired, tummy time works great for us for the foster baby! She also sits up already! Maybe you could use the babysitter to do tummy time and other learning games to make the twins tired while you do something with Jake? Hire her to come before a nap, for the twins, than she can for example do something with the twins, you can feed them, and than she can play with Jake and you can take a nap? I think once you can get the twins to sleep at night, you can sleep and life will be better! The key here is SLEEP! I wanted to add that I had one foster baby who needed to sleep in the laundry room and listen to the dryer! LOL He liked it dark, cold and liked the dryer sound to fall asleep! If your bathroom is big like we have, maybe you could move the pack n play into it to get the boys into different rooms? You can also buy a thicker pack in play mattress for like 24.00 at babies r us, it is thicker and fits in most pack n plays! We have them! and makes it better than the crappy ones we get with the pack n plays! LOL

At least for me, I need sleep, so as long as my house sleeps, I am happy! for the most part unless someone is sick, we sleep at night!


Andrew would spit his pacifier out about 10X's a night! Sometimes I just wanted to tape the thing so I could get some sleep LOL... He did not even like it, but kept me coming in to put it in. He probably was just making sure I was there.

To get Nicholas off middle of night feedings (he did not wake up for bottles as a newborn, it started at 9 months old). After a couple of weeks I switched him to bottled water. Everytime he got up I would give him water. Then he would just wake up to be conforted (not picked up). Within a few days he stopped.

Like you are already doing just keep letting them know you are there... Soon they might attach themselves to a stuffed toy that they like to sleep with. This will confort them too.


Hope this link works.



I am a long time lurker and enjoy reading your blog! I have two children adopted from Kaz (6 and 5) and two bio children (2 and 2 months) and just wanted to tell you that I think you are doing a great job. I also wanted to add my two cents about BF and sleep issues. I breast fed and co slept with my two year old and I swear there is something about the boob. It was not until I weaned him at 18 months that he finally slept through the night. So I think what you are doing is right on and I really think will help your boys sleep in the long run!! Best of luck!!

Leah Marie

Deanna, what I think you're doing is great. John as become dependent on nighttime feedings and I've been working on something similar to get him to fall back to sleep without the bottle during the night. The first couple of nights were the hardest, but its getting better all the time. Hang in there, I foresee hours of sleep in your future. ;-)

For the record, I think Camille is right on. A baby crying in the arms of his loving, soothing mother is NOT the same as a baby crying it out all alone. You are teaching your babies to sleep in a loving, attentive way. You rock.

Susan Sparling

I didn't give up night time feedings with my children forever. It was always hard. Still, I only had one at a time and they were several years apart. I worked well at CIO and it wasn't for me or my children, as they could cry for 2 hours and not stop, night after night after night. At the same time, at 5.5 mos with 3 under 3, I might have to try CIO for as long as I did (several weeks) to see if that worked for my children. It's very hard. It's more tiring than giving in. I ALWAYS had a hard time with teaching my children that I'd always be there in the same experience that the other books told me to have them CIO. Consequently, I can only give you a hug. I'm no help. I do care how you are doing but each child is hard wired differently. My youngest still doesn't sleep all night but I have have her at 3, with her next oldest sib at 12. Hugs to you. I totally agree with Camille and Heather. No advice!

Elizabeth Pantley

Hi There!
A reader of mine alerted me to your post. Sorry to hear you are having such trouble! If you will email me I can send you some tips and ideas ~ :o)


I never had the heart to do the cry it out method either, but I did just what you are doing, staying in the room with them,singing and talking softly. It was hard, but it did work! Be encouraged this stage will end!!


Deanna, Elizabeth Pantley commented on your blog! You're pretty freaking cool! :D You should totally email her for help!!!

I'm sorry that it's so rough right now. I wish I had some advice for you, but we did it so completely different I'm not sure it would be helpful or welcome so I'll just offer hugs!

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