Away To Me

They are getting it!

The boys slept pretty darn well last night. I can't believe how much better I feel with just a bit more sleep. It is not even 6 and I'm rip roaring ready to go!

Nathan slept from 8:30 to (drum roll please) 2am! I nursed him then instead of making him wait till 3, like I have been because his cry was different. He was hungry. Wesley slept from 8:15 to (drum roll please) 3:20. 

The bummer was that Nathan was up at 4 and then again at 5:30. But he did settle really quickly at 4 with just me speaking quietly too him and holding him for maybe a minute. And he is all smiles right now, not wanting to go back to sleep. But it is okay, we have a big day ahead of us, they get to sleep on the 2 hour car ride. 

Oh and Wes, still sleeping from his 3:20 wake up and nursing. His only wake up of the night. I can't tell you how excited I am that my program is working.

Thank goodness I feel refreshed. Today is all about Jake. We are going to the beach and to visit his favorite people in the world, grandpa (my dad) and his uncles (my brothers) and my 2nd cousin who I haven't seen in like 18 years! Should be a fun day of swimming, sand castle building and the like. 

First Food ... Sort of

I let the babies try banana last night. Not really feeding it to them, just letting them decide if they liked it, if they were ready to start experimenting with foods and textures and such. I've ordered a book on baby-led weaning that I'm going to read and decide if that's the route we want to go. 

Wesley is certainly interested in food. He loved the banana and was frustrated with not being able to hang on to it and get it into his mouth as well as he would like. I think he'll be much better at it with a bit of practice and another week or two of growing and maturing.

After Wesley I let Nathan have a go at it. He liked the banana taste, but was not very interested in it. It was just sort of there. He decided he much rather play with the toys on his chair.

Thank you and an update.

Thanks for all the input on the sleeping situation. I just want to clarify that I do have a schedule for the boys, but not a strict schedule. We do naps every day. (Jake is a great nap taker). But sometimes the nap comes around 12:30 some times it comes at 2:00. Bedtime is a bit more strict, 8:30-9 for Jake. 7:30-8 for the babies. I'm a roll with it kind of mom and Jake has been a roll with it sort of kid. I think Wesley is a roll with it sort of kid, but Nathan may not be at this age. So we are curbing things a bit for him and working with his personality and abilities right now.

I'm going to stick with the current sleep achieving program for awhile. Last night Wesley did great. He went to bed shortly before 8pm and even though he woke up twice within about an hour, once he settled for good, he slept till 3am. The few times he woke between 8is and 9ish, I did nurse him both times, hoping to top off the tank so to speak. When he woke at 3am I was already nursing Nathan, so Wes went on the free boob and both boys nursed and went back to sleep till 6:30. I think that 3 hour stretch was the longest stretch that I've had both boys take at the same time since they have been born. I've gotten 3 hours out of each of them before, but I can't remember both of them sleeping that long at the same time. 

Nathan had a rough first half of the night, especially at around 1:30. I was holding off nursing until after 2am and Nathan was NOT happy about that. He was so upset with me, screaming, clawing my face, sucking my chin, etc. But I am so glad I held out, because when he did  fall asleep and then wake back up at around 3 he didn't act starved. The little stinker calmly nursed and then I had to nudge him to keep nursing after 3 or 4 mins and after about 6 or 7 minutes he was done. Hunger is obviously not the issue here. But I will continue with at least one night feeding, two if they need it.

I appreciate Elizabeth Pantley commenting on my blog and offering her help. I have emailed her. (so glad I had nice things to say about her book LOL!). I think her book would be great if I had one baby, but the logistics of two is so different and I'm not as structured as I probably should be in order to properly work her program. But again, I highly recommend the book, "The No Cry Sleep Solution".

Crying Out - Not Crying It Out.

I don't believe in crying it out for babies. Some of the people I love and respect the most as parents, do believe in it and I'd trust them to watch my children and care for my children, but on this subject we have different opinions. 

It is abundantly clear however, that what I've been doing for the past 5 1/2 months has not worked. Clearly, there needed to be a change. I purchased the No Cry Sleep Solution book. I liked a lot of it and tried it. Now, I realize you have to give something a chance to work. And I should have used the techniques in this book a full two weeks to work, but I didn't. I'm not a good scheduler and frankly, I don't know how anyone can have multiple age children and still stick to a strict schedule for any length of time. I'm lucky, my kids all are all little, so I wasn't compromised as much as some people who might try this book. And I'm sure there are more creative, more disciplined people than I who are able to make it work. Me, not so much. So for me, the book didn't work the way it should because I didn't use it the way it is to be used.It was not a fit. But I do think highly of the book and would recommend it to someone looking for some help.

So where does that leave me? Do I continue to wake up and soothe my babies with breast or pacifier all night long? Or, do I just let them cry it out?Or is there a third option?

There had to be a third option. They need to learn to soothe themselves. Who better to teach them than me? I'm up anyway. I love them to pieces and want them to have this skill. So my goal was/is to teach my babies to self sooth.

My sweet Natey sleeps about 1 hour to 1 1/2 hour and then awakes screaming. Part of his issue I'm sure is his reflux, which is not severe, but I imagine it doesn't have to be severe to be annoying. So Nathan has been sleeping in bed with me the past 3 weeks. Hubby sleeps in Jake's room. I prop Nathan up on a firm pillow, next to me and I think that has helped with his reflux issue a lot. He's still waking up often, but he's not waking up screaming frantically like he was before. But he just can not go back to sleep without sucking something. I was giving him the breast or the pacifier and letting him suck for a few moments, the gently removing, then he'd drift off to sleep. I swear, it was not more than 10 seconds of sucking and he'd be to sleep again. It was like hitting a light switch. But the problem was, he could not go to sleep without that. And he won't keep a pacifier in his mouth. So every hour or so, I was up, helping Nathan sooth. 

It had to stop! So, starting last Thursday night I decided to allow the boys to cry, but not by themselves. I was there, to hold them, talk to them and soothe them but without the boob, without the pacifier and without getting out of bed and walking around. 

The first night Wesley slept pretty well, he woke a few times early in the night, but settled right down. Wesley sleeps in his Pack N Play, swaddled and in a sleep wedge. At around 3ish he woke and was obviously awake because he was hungry, so I nursed him. Easy.

Nathan, not so easy. First, I think there are some genetics involved with Nathan's inability to sleep or sooth himself. For years my mom has told me about what a nightmare I was as a baby regarding falling asleep or staying asleep.  Paybacks a bitch!

Nathan woke up about an hour after I put him down and I patted his back and spoke softly to him. The screaming got louder. I put my headphones on and listened to my opera music and classical latin guitar, trying to help me through this trial. I spoke softly, rubbed his head, patted his bottom. The screaming continued. After 2 or 3 minutes, I stopped speaking words, I just shusshed and hummed and patted his bottom. Occasionally I'd say "sleep Nathan" very quietly. After about 10 minutes of patting, stroking and humming, I just put him in the crook of my arm and held him and let him scream. I was not going to give into his screaming, but I was not going to let him do this alone. 

I felt horrible. Here I had the power to stop his crying, within 30 seconds, if I just pulled out the boob, but I was denying him it. I know rationally that I would be wrong, to give in but I felt like this was crying it out. Is it crying it out? My friend Camille has assured me it was not since I was there soothing him (but I didn't get this confirmation from her until many days later).  Finally after about an hour and a half, he fell back asleep. But 45 minutes or so later, he was up again. Screaming bloody murder, while I once again, spoke softly, patted gently, kissed cheeks often, and stroked his head. He fell back asleep about 45 minutes or so later and slept for about 2 hours. When he woke up at that point, I nursed him. The moment I heard him start to cry, I put him to the breast quickly. I was trying to not allow him to get the boob due to crying. I knew by what time it was, that it was the time of night when he sincerely is hungry, so I felt it was appropriate to feed him. After he nursed, he slept for another 2 hours and then woke up, but he settled down in my arms after only about 10 minutes of my soothing. 

Friday night was much of the same. I think he had one period of screaming/crying that was nearly 2 hours. But the other times of the night that he woke, he settled within 20 minutes or less. I figured out that if I wait about 4 or 5 minutes into his tantrum and then turn him on his side, he slows down or stops crying. 

Saturday night was better. He still woke up as often, but he didn't stay awake as long. Wesley was up a lot more, but he soothes much quicker. Both boys are nursing twice a night, (never at the same time) which I hope I can get down to once each per night in the next few weeks.

Last night was Nathan's best night yet. He woke up less often, probably ever 2 hours and he settled much quicker. I'd say he was asleep within 10 minutes or less after he'd wake up and a few times I didn't even need to touch him, he'd start to turn on his side almost immediately and fall back asleep. I don't think he woke up more than 5 times last night. Wesley however, had a bad night. But that was not the norm so I'm not panicked about it.

Bottom line is, I'm not getting much more sleep, but my babies are learning to sooth themselves. I'm going to keep the same sleep arrangements and the same pattern going for at least another two weeks. I feel like this is something that has to be done. I was really hoping to have them sleeping through the night by six months. But that is obviously not going to happen. Maybe by seven months. I'll start cutting down the night nursing sessions next week. For now they can nurse twice a night. I think if they learn to sleep deeply they won't want to nurse as often. The non-sleeping habit is hard to break.

I do feel like I'm doing the best I know how to do. I hated and still hate to hear the crying at night. I'd love to just toss a pacifier or boob in his mouth and fall back to sleep myself. but that is only a temporary fix. Besides, I'd hate to back track and make all the tears the past week account for nothing. It would be such a waist. 

So there is my crying-not-crying-it-out pan. Wish us luck, we need it!

5 1/2 months

They don't sleep but they sure do smile!

(Nathan-left, Wesley-right)

Stupid Sleep.

Isn't the definition of stupid something like "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome"? I think that's what I've heard.

I'm trying to get these babies to sleep. There is a fine line between, consistent routines, and doing the same thing over and it's not working. Right now, things aren't working for Wesley, but some changes I've made for Nathan are working. 

The pediatrician confirmed my suspicion of silent reflux for the Nater. I've started feeding him earlier (about an hour before bed) and then sitting him up right and even keeping him elevated at night. So far so good, instead of getting up 8-10 times a night, he's only getting up about 5 times and when he does get up, he's falling back asleep very quickly and not needing to nurse every time. 

The Wesser is a different story. He went from getting up 4 times a night to getting up 7 or 8 times a night and he's a bear to get back to sleep. Last night I gave up, I'd had enough, so I thought I'd try letting him fuss it out a bit. 

No dice. He never screamed, but he was not happy for a long, long time, like 45 mins or more. Finally he started to ramp things up and getting loud, very loud so hubby walked him around for 20 mins and he finally crashed. The good news is he went to sleep without nursing and that has to be the first step in teaching him how to go back to sleep without me.  He is not waking up hungry, but nursing is certainly a comfort both boys love. Maybe with only one baby I could do it, but I am so exhausted, I just can't do it anymore. 

I really don't want to be the sleep martyr. Seriously, I asked myself if maybe I was sabotaging the boys sleep for the sake of having something to complain about. The answer is NO. But when you are this tired and the same thing happens night after night, no matter what you try, you have to wonder if you aren't the cause. Does that make sense?

I do think part of the problem is the pack n play cribs. I don't think they are comfy for the boys. Nathan has been sleeping with me since I started keeping him elevated at night and I think that has helped him. So tonight, Wesley will join us and we will try to get more sleep and figure out how to make sleep a consistent part of our nights. Jake needs me to be rested, my husband needs me to be rested, I need me to be rested!

Oh and another thing I've figured out, I'm replacing sleep with food. Lovely, fat and tired! 

Dumb mommy and meltdowns

Well I'm an idiot, in case you haven't already realize that. LOL! I went to the movie theater on Tuesday to meet up with both the MoMs club and the other Mommy club. Evidently there are two movie theaters in town that do $1 movies for kids on Tuesdays at 10, and I was at the wrong one. Better luck next time I guess. The good news is we made it, me and the three boys, through the whole movie! Only one bathroom trip and one nursing meltdown, but it worked out.

In other news, my babies don't like any one else. It sounds cute, but it really really sucks. It used to be just Nathan would have a fit with someone other than me. But now Wesley is pulling the same trick. They last about 10 seconds with someone else and then they meltdown. It doesn't matter if the person holding them stands right next to me and ignores them when they hold them or if they talk and engage the boys. They start with the trembling lips and squinty eyes and the next thing you know, full on screams. Yesterday my aunt and cousin tried to help me, but it just made matters worse. They do okay with daddy, but don't last terribly long with him.

I'm at a loss on what to do. It makes it so hard to leave them with anyone. How am I ever going to get away with my husband for an evening?

My Boys

3 months old

I started this post yesterday, only had time to finish it this morning.

The boys are three months old today turned three months old yesterday. I can't believe how incredibly lucky we are to be the parents to three amazing boys. I never take a day of being a mommy for granted. Even the days when everyone seems to be fussy and no one naps long enough for me to get some down time. I really feel that being a mommy is what I was destined to become. (Despite crazy blog readers who commented that "God must not want you to become a mommy, that's why you can't get pregnant") 

A little about my little men:

Wesley is my ladies man. If I was forced today to guess his future career, I'd say he's my singer/song writer. He's emotional and sweet and loving a tad on the dramatic side. He's also a charmer. He has a fantastic grin. And now he's grinning per request.  

Wesley tends to have more tummy issues. He gulps when he eats and he gets gassy which makes him very upset. But once he has burped or release his gas, he's back to being a happy little guy. He bats his big ol' eye lashes at us and we melt. He still remains much bigger than Nathan. He's filling out every inch of clothes that Nathan fits perfectly in or that are too big on Nathan.  Wesley looks like my dad's side of the family. 

Wesley makes the most beautiful sounds. His coos and aaahs are so pretty to listen to. He just babbles away and makes huge sighs. He loves to "talk" to me. Some times you can't tell if he's happy or upset. Sometimes I don't think he knows if he's happy or upset. Normally he's pretty happy. At this stage of their lives, he is more easy going than Nathan. 

Nathan. This little booger is a firecracker. If I had to peg his future career, at this point I'd say athlete or comedian. He's a pistol. Nathan is either very happy, very unhappy or asleep. There is very little just content time with him. All or nothing is his personality. He is stingy with his smiles, but boy when he does smile it lights up the house! He's got a sly guy look about him. It's as if he's waiting to flash that smile at just the right time, when I'm least expecting it. That's why it's hard to get his smile on camera. 

I think the way he times his smiles and his other little sly looks he's a future comedian or actor.  He just looks like he's going to keep us on our toes. Heck he already is!

Nathan already seems to have a sense of humor. He seems more confident than Wesley and he really seems to know what he wants. He's a mommy's boy already. Especially if he's fussy. There is a secret combo to getting Nathan to stop fussing and daddy can't decipher that secret combo code yet. 

Nathan's hand-eye coordination seems to be about one week ahead of Wesley. He is the first to swat at the toys on the bouncy seat toy bar and he was the first to grab ahold of the toys. He also seems to be able to hold his head up longer than Wes. Despite Nathan being the one in our arms most of the time (Squeaky wheel gets the grease), the back of his head is a lot flatter than it should be. He hates sleeping on his side and he is not thrilled with more than a few minutes of tummy time. And the little stinker doesn't like slings or the Moby wrap. He likes his bouncer seat and his swing, but those aren't helping his head shape. It seems like I always have Nathan on me these days. As I type this he is laying on my chest doing some sitting up tummy time. 

Nathan Toy Grab

Wesley Toy Grab

Nathan's head is becoming flat from laying on his back. He hates tummy time but is getting better at it. Funny thing is, he used to like it more than Wesley. He can get out of any contraption or towel arrangement I make to keep him propped on his side. The kid is super wiggle worm. He's in constant motion or he's asleep! He hates being in a sling or wrap. In Nathan's ideal world right now, mommy would hold him 24 hours a day and she would sprout hanging toys from her other arm for him to swat at. 

These boys are just amazing little people already. I can't wait to see what their futures hold. Part of me is anxious to get out of the infant stage. Who can blame me, each day gets more interesting and fun. I feel like I want to rush it a bit to see what's next. 

I hope to get some videos of the boys taken soon. Now they do more than sleep, so I can finally post some smiles and some movement!