Away To Me

Thank you

Thanks for the support. I do know, and have voiced myself time and time again that u/s measurements are big guesses. We even discussed it with the u/s tech yesterday and she and I both agreed that these "weights" can be off by a pound either direction. We are not counting on these boys being the weight that the say they are. We are counting on them being healthy based on the other tests they do while ultra sounding.

It's not the numbers, I'm worried about everything. I'm physically and mentally tired and after laying on that table for an hour and 45 mins and being told, by the u/s tech (after she visited with the radiologist) "well, Dr. R said he'll send the report over to your OB this afternoon. Baby B is growing, but he's only grown 4 days worth in the past 3 weeks, but he's okay with it". That just doesn't put me at ease. I think the reasons he told me he's grown "4 days worth" is because Hubby asked, "why did he supposedly shrink". So they had to say that he didn't shrink, that he had grown, even though they estimated him at 4 pounds 15 oz three weeks ago and 4 pounds 2 ounces yesterday. I don't think he shrunk. I think we had two different u/s techs doing the scans and these babies are squished inside me now and it is impossible to get an accurate measurement. 

Meanwhile, the other bugger news from yesterday is Poncho is no longer head down, he moved to transfers (sideways). He is now laying across the top of my belly with his head mid sternum. So I was correct when I could feel his butt sort of below my right boob, and his feet in my right ribs, but it isn't a North/South direction, it's East/West. I would really prefer to have him head down. Especially given that he is the larger baby of the two. I am starting to feel less confident about having him possibly turning breech. Which I do realize he can turn breech at any point, even if he's head down after Lefty exits, he could flip. But having the second baby breech, the second baby being bigger and breech is not ideal. So these are all things I have to take into consideration right now.

Sleep was horrid last night. I was so happy to see the clock turn 5 this morning as I felt like I could at least give up on trying to sleep and go sit up and get more comfortable. Mentally I feel better with the bit of rest I got, physically the past three nights have been terrible. We went to bed really early last night and I fell asleep by 9:30. I was up at 11, 12:15, 1:30, 2:50, 3:45, 4:50 (where I just stayed until the clocked turned to 5).

I know I can handle being pregnant for another week or two. I'm physically able to handle the discomfort, I've had a very easy ride thus far in my pregnancy. Mentally I can ride it out. I think a lot of my emotions yesterday stemmed from being tired, being physically uncomfortable and of course the nervousness from the anticipation of a pending birth and the not-so-wonderful vague information I received. 

But if I'm truly honest with myself, I have to admit, I want to have them Friday. Friday I'll be 37 weeks along. Friday is a good day. I have my OB and NST today, so hopefully I can get some mental assurance that everything is okay which will give me the confidence that it is safe to have them.  It would be nice to have some reassurance that it is safe for Lefty to be born at home. All his tests come back completely normal except for his size. For the record, having these babies at home is not our priority. Having them safely is our priority. If it is safer for them to be born at home we will, if it is safer to have them in the hospital, we will. I have a chiropractor appointment tomorrow, so that should help line me out a bit and maybe get Poncho back to a head down position. It would give hubby a weekend to be home and not worry as much about work and his boss time to fly out here to take over business operations by Monday. 

Speaking of the boss, I just need to express some good old fashion gratitude. This guy rocks. I hate to jinx things by bragging on the guy. But not only did he call and check on me personally yesterday (calling our home phone to talk to me). He called hubby when we were returning home from the doc yesterday afternoon to ask how the doc appointment went and to reassure us both that he is ready to fly out whenever we need him. That is awesome. It takes so much pressure off of me to know that so much pressure is being taken off of hubby! 

Okay, enough ramblings. I'm off to make a protein shake without waking Jake (ya right) and to sit on my birthball in the hopes of relieving my hips from their agony. I see the OB at 8:15. I will know more in a matter of hours, even if I have to demand some answers and go hit up the "big guy" my RE. 

Not a happy camper

Today's ultra sound really irked me.  Basically they are trying to say that Lefty shrunk, but didn't shrink. Their parting words to me today were something like, "well he's only grown 4 day's growth in 3 weeks, but we'll send the report to your OB. Everything else looks good."

I have no words to describe how irked, tired and done I am with this now. Tomorrow morning I have an appointment with my OB. I am going to walk from her office, with the u/s report in hand to my RE's office. The guy who got us knocked up happens to be the head of Obstetrics for the hospital. So I'm hoping I'll get some support and explanations from him. These people all basically work under him. Maybe my visit to him will light a fire under someone's ass to not put me on hold for 24 hours while they "send a report to my OB" who will only review it and say, "Well, we'll call them and see how they want to proceed with your care from here on in."

I think it is time I drop the homebirth ball on their heads. I need to make sure it will be safe to deliver at home. Now I am having some doubts about it. Which really, is the least of my concerns.

I don't normally cry outside my home. I rarely ever cry at a doctor's office. But today I cried. I'm tired, physically and mentally. I think I've hit a point where I'm done being solely responsible for these boys. I'm at a point where I want and need help and as long as they are in utero, I don't get any help carrying them, worrying about my diet, taking my vitamins, checking my blood pressure, my blood sugar level, watching the edema, etc. 

It's a down evening. 

Thought of the hour.

As I approach my due date, random odd thoughts and memories seem to fling through my brain.

I remember my grandpa, who is one of the most amazing men I've ever had the privilege of knowing, had a wonderful way to look at things and shared his optimistic thought of the day with me once. He was in his 80's and had been dealing with the ailments of congestive heart failure for many years. Always the jokester he said to me when I asked him how he was doing, "well, any time I start to feel down, I just read the obituaries and look at all the people who are younger than me have died and I start to feel better". Now I know to some of you this may sound morbid, but to me it was hysterical. 

Today I was reading my pregnancy forums and thread after thread of all these ladies who are miserable or who are scheduling early c-sections or inductions and I thought to myself.... I'm feeling pretty good, I can go another two weeks and be okay. I can do this! 

Inspiration comes in odd ways doesn't it!

And I need some inspiration today. I'm feeling very sore and tired after an uncomfortable night of "sleep".  I had tons of contractions yesterday evening. None this morning. 

Ultra sound appointment at 1:30 today!

Midwife appointment today

Met with the midwife today. All is well. Both boys have great heart beat rates, I'm still measuring huge. My blood pressure was up (as it has been for the past week) but when I layed on my left side and she took my BP again, it was like 116/42. So all is well.

The rain is upon us ... in full force. So it made for an interesting drive back home. People in California don't know how to drive when it rains. Seriously, they either go 100mph as if it were a normal sunny day or they go 20 mph with their hazards on. Stupid! 

Not a lot of sleep for me last night and no nap today as Jake slept in the car on the way to the midwife. So I'm tired.

Tomorrow we have an ultra sound appointment in the early afternoon. My dad and brother are coming over to watch Jake. He'll have a blast with them. Hopefully tomorrow's ultra sound will go better than the previous ultra sound. I hope Lefty is continuing to grow well! 

Preggo Tip!

Oh my gosh I had the most wonderful shower last night. I put my birthball (exercise ball) in the shower and hubby installed a new detachable shower head. Pure bliss!

I could sit and be so comfy and run the hot water along my back, my neck, my scalp, etc. 

Not only that, I could wash the girly parts without contorting like a Mandarin acrobat. Seriously, I think it was the best shower I've taken in months and months!

I'm counting the minutes until Jake is in bed till I can take my shower tonight!

New Poll

Today I was checking my favorite baseball team's spring training schedule. Pitchers and catchers reported already for spring training. First spring training game is in 10 days. It got me wondering, what will happen first, the arrival of our twins or the first spring training game?

Please join in the fun and place your vote in the poll! 

36 weeks!

Boy is it nice to type that headline. 36 weeks. I am so tickled. Now I am safe for a homebirth (as long as everything else continues to go well). And as a matter of fact my blood pressure was down a bit this afternoon. Not a whole lot, but lower than it's been since Wednesday. 

My grandma came for a visit today. I haven't seen her in ages. She looked great and we had such a nice time. We had a late breakfast and then we went to Jake's school and picked him up. She was very impressed with his school and he was quite excited to see her. It was a nice morning. 

I did over do it yesterday and certainly felt owie last night. But a Tylenol, heating pad and as much rest as one can get at 36 weeks pregnant with twins was all it took to get me back to about 95%. Today I have done very little. 

I went to the market and bought a few essentials to get me through the day and that was about it. Hubby can do a big shopping tomorrow or Sunday. My biggest complaint right now is not being able to eat enough to feel full. I get filled fast, but I'm still feeling hungry. The babies are just taking up so much room! Lefty has been a mad man lately. He is making huge moves. I am starting to wonder if he has flipped from Anterior to Posterior (from face down to face up). It certainly feels like he is kneeing me, like his knee is coming towards me. I guess I'll find out Tuesday afternoon. Poncho I think is so big, he just can't make big moves anymore. He's just riding out the days till the exit opens!

I'm in no hurry for the boys to make their debut. My friends have been teasing me about my due date goals changing. Really, the one goal I wanted to hit was March 1. But I think I'll be happy if I make it to Feb 20 (next Friday I'll be 37 weeks exactly). But I have no agenda and I can handle the discomfort. I just want healthy babies that will take to breastfeeding well. Hubby asked me last night if we should buy some bottles and formula "just in case". I said, if we need some, the Walgreens is 3 minutes away. We don't need it in our house "just in case". Time will tell if we will need it.

Happy Valentines day my friends! 

Nesting Frenzy

Today I had a burst of energy. Nope, it wasn't that burst of energy women get shortly before labor. I got in a tiff with someone and when I'm upset or angry I clean and organize. One would hope for my sake I was angry more often as this house could surely use some more organizing.

My list of chores included:

• Did morning dishes 
• Cleaned out the guest room (which has been a dumping ground lately)
• Called the electrician -left message again. This is his last chance to get the job! 
• Finished mailing label list for birth announcement envelopes 
• Got said mailing labels printed! (PITA)
• Found left over 5x7 blue envelopes from Jake's Birth announcements 
• Paying bills & setting up auto bill pay for two accounts
• Filed paper work that has been building up in the "in box"
• Made copies of my medical records for my midwife
• Made copies of my insurance approval for my midwife
• Made a new emergency phone number list (with more details) 
• Cleaned out Jake's confiscated toys (giving them back to him)
• Wraped two of the gifts for the midwives (2 more need different bags)
• Cleaned out old magazines that were in the bathroom magazine wrack 
• Started 3 loads of laundry, finished 2

All that was done before noon. I still have:

• Finish 2 more loads of laundry
• Start dinner. (tonight I'm making a double batch, one to eat, one to freeze)
• Clean Jake's toys out and organize 
• Clean out my closet 
• Put address labels on the envelopes 
• Go to hardware store for birth pool supplies (this one may wait till tomorrow) 

The part of me that is feeling nesty and not just angry (by the way I'm no longer angry) is the part of me that wants Jake's every last pair of socks, underwear and pants clean. I want all if his clothes cleaned and put away. I want all the towels and sheets washed, including the new set of sheets that If found at Target for $25! It's a super cheap set of King size sheets, perfect for birthing. They are so scratchy and gross compared to my nice sheets, but they are here for one purpose. The cool thing is I like the print! 

My house is very clean. The cleaning lady was here today and with all my organizing and all my picking up lately I feel like I could have someone walk in and take over my household without me feeling embarrassed or disorganized. Not that I'm planning on needing that! But if something goes wrong and we are at the hospital I feel like my Jakey has plenty of clean clothes. There are plenty of clean towels, fresh linens, etc.

Now, I don't want to make it sound like I've been running around like a crazy woman. I did take a 30 minute hot bath! In addition to breakfast and lunch, I indulged in a piece of chocolate that I swiped from Jake's Valentines celebration at school yesterday, drank a large glass of milk, took an hour long nap and had plenty of time this morning to Skype with my friends. 

I've also taken my blood pressure multiple times today. Looks like my new normal is higher than my old norma. It has ranged from the high 130's - low 140's /

high 70's - low 80's. Not bad, but not my normal.

 

New Go-To Guy

My brother to the rescue. Uncle Greg is now our go to guy. He called yesterday afternoon. (I do believe my guilty feeling dad called bro to see if he could mend the fences).

I swear my brother is so on board with helping out he was ready to bring fresh towels and boil water! LOL! He even came over today to hang with Jake and I. He's been layed off for a few weeks and he's staying quite a bit with his girlfriend who lives 30 minutes from us. It is no problem for him to come over at a moment's notice to take care of Jake. And his girlfriend who is a daycare director has about 6 weeks of vacation time built up so she's able to help too! So we have a back up plan in place.

Today I'm feeling pretty pregnant. I woke up with some back pain and feeling sort of crampy, like menstrual type cramps. I took a warm bath and read books to Jake while he played along side the tub. My darling boy is being so cooperative. Then he took a bath and I read him more books and sat down for awhile. It gave me about 45 mins of down time. 

Then we actually went and watched cartoons in my room for an hour and 20 mins. It was heaven! My boy must have known I was feeling owie, cause he was very calm and cool today. The best part was uncle Greg coming over later and do boy things so Jake really got to get some energy out!

Tomorrow I have a NST and an OB appointment.

Very Happy Morning

It started with Jake crawling into bed with me first thing this morning, giving me a hug and then noticing my lotion on the side table he asked if he could "put lotion on the babies". Let me tell you, NOTHING feels better than having your belly rubbed with lotion first thing in the morning by a very happy sweet 2 1/2 yo boy! While that was happening, hubby was in the kitchen cleaning up last night's dishes and dinner mess that I was too tired to do last night! How amazing is that!

Then Jake put me into hysterical laughter as we were getting into the car to go to school. He was sort of fooling around not getting into his car seat, jumping off the truck seat onto to the floor, etc.

Me: "Jakey, pay attention and get into your chair."

Jake: "Why?"

Me: "Because I'm too pregnant to lift you!"

Jake: "Cool!" 

I could not stop laughing.

I came home from dropping Jake off. No errands to run, no doctor's appointments to go to. Just home. The dishes were done and I was just home with no pending chores. So I got back in bed for an hour and a half! Then I woke up and ate an obscene amount of left over lasagna from last night. And now as I type this, I'm drinking a glass of milk and eating chocolate cake.

Can I just say, left over lasagna and chocolate cake for breakfast makes for a very happy pregnant woman. And I was already very happy to begin with.

Do you think my day could stay this awesome! I sure hope so.